When Freddy and I started the coaching, I was at probably the lowest point in my life. All dimensions of my life needed significant improvement. I was socially isolated, depressed, apathetic. I didn‘t know where to go with career and life in general, and I didn‘t even care to go at all. I could barely summon the will to get help. But somewhere in my foggy mind I realized, that i did need help. That something was deeply wrong.
I believe i was a „tough“ student, due to my condition – there was a lot to unpack, and probably too much to ever work through in skype sessions.
My life didn‘t magically transform, during the first (?) sessions – mainly, because it was really hard for me to take significant action. We started with pragmatic steps, but it didn‘t really rip me out of my apathy. At the point where i was, i probably actually needed medication, but i categorically rejected medication (which i don‘t recommend to do).
So eventually we focused more on the inner world, and talked a lot about my past, my upbringing, etc. This was the area, where we really found „gold“, so to speak.
We found a big sticking point within my life i don‘t think i was aware of to that extend before: My parents.
I was barely able to feel and show emotions before. Life was grey, everything meaningless, and me in a state of nihilism and apathy. But during that „inner journey“, in which we talked a lot about upbringing, past, significant experiences etc. i started to feel emotions again.
I could allow myself to be angry, something, that I don‘t think i ever deemed justifiable before. I didn‘t think i had reasons to be angry before, all if felt before was anxiety, shame, and guilt.
We delved deeper into the matter, childhood experiences, the situation with my parents etc. Then, during one of our last sessions, Freddy did a guided meditation with me, concerning my father. At some point, my shell finally broke and i had to cry- for several minutes, maybe the most I‘ve cried in my life. We went through anger, love and eventually forgiveness there. After it, i felt like a huge burden was lifted off my heart. It felt amazingly liberating. I can‘t really do it justice with words, but a big chunk of some trauma, maybe even multi-generational (my father carries a lot of pain and had horrible experiences as a child, which we adressed), was dealt with, and it‘s probably hard to overstate the implications this had and will have further down the road. One apparent improvement was my relationship to my parents. Before, it was really depressing for me; now, it‘s rather harmonious, and I‘ve never had a better relationship to my father before.
Freddy took me on a journey through my own subconscious, we opened some old scars and healed them for good. It was massive to have him at my side during this darkest episode of my life. We had a lot of time, and i learned an awful lot concerning spiritual work from him, and life in general. He was able to meet me where i was at. I was far gone into the darkness, now, every day i let my light shine brighter. I am eternally grateful for this, in retrospect, so pure and beautiful experience.
I am deeply moved as i write these words, as i let those memories pass once again, and see all the effort he put into helping me, and i hope, this little letter somehow did it justice.
Thank you Freddy. Love and Peace, be upon thee.