This is how I sum up my journey until this point (winter 2017)…
2009: I overcame “social anxiety” as a mental disorder in 2009 while attending a school that was very social in its nature. No grades, just social activities, and we lived in dorms. I said hi to everyone the first day, so I was quickly well known at the school, which gave me a big advantage throughout the year.
The moment when I changed: The symbolic killer was wearing underwear outside of my pants and an “idiot” sign in public. I’ve never been this scared and still taken action. I was completely by myself with nobody to back me up. The idiot stunt became a metaphor: “I can overcome anything I put my mind to”.
2010-2011: Not that much happened. I was mostly inside, home, on my computer trying to make a living using the internet. I never succeeded at that.
2012: I went to California to study. This was also the pickup artist year. I met a guy who was into pickup ans went to the clubs, 1-3 times per week approaching all the girls we could see. I learned a lot about putting myself out in front of people, but no real connections.
2013: In the end of 2012 I helped start the Youtube channel Whatever: http://youtube.com/whatever. The summer 2013 I started FreddyFairhair, and September 29th we shocked the internet with Naked Guy Picking Up Girls. This became a new metaphor, and I was more sure than ever that I can overcome anything.
I also built a big ego around being a brave daredevil. Watching an interview from that time I can see that I had a lot of insecurities underneath. When I found my passion I cared less about how I “performed” in my social life, so that helped. Plus, all the pranks gave me so many reference points that I always felt comfortable entering a social event. Find your passion by following your excitement. I followed my heart by going to California, and it lead me to my Youtube career.
2014: I kept doing pranks and stunts as usual, until I backed out of streaking a soccer world cup game in Brazil. I started questioning my ego of being a daredevil. “Is this my limit? Who am I really? What is this?”. It was harder to motivate myself to make videos after this. That fall I picked up a book called “Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing” by Jed McKenna. I was thirsty for answers about life and myself. Being social stopped being important to me.
2015: That winter I had a compilation video that got 40,000 views per day, and it paid my rent and my meals. I got lazy with producing videos. It was a very fun time though. I ate at restaurants with Luke and Shogo every day and we had lots of laughs. This winter I had great insights about the beauty of friendships.
But the video got age restricted so the views on my channel fell from 65,000 per day to 25,000 per day. I also didn’t upload for 4 months. I thought people would want me more if I didn’t upload. That was wrong. I had become arrogant. The spiritual search also made me a nihilist. Fuck everything. Let the ship sink. My channel lost quite a bit of engagement that year, but I kept it alive.
I got caught cheating two months before graduation. Worst time of my life. I outsourced a final exam and a couple of assignments, so the administration was pretty offended by that. Most depressing time of my life (not a bad life, ey?). But they gave me a second chance and I could stay in the country for another six months after all.
I stopped caring about society and social life. People around me started wondering why I sometimes acted so closed-off and distant. I think I still suffered from negative thinking habits that was triggered when I was depressed. I also didn’t give that much of a shit. I just wanted to get laid. Small talk, drama and school bored me. I had a few friends who I enjoyed spent time with though.
2016: Back in Norway. Only for six months, that was my plan. Then back to LA. That’s what I thought.
I went to Brazil in April. Was going for a music festival but ended up staying for six weeks. The last days I took a DMT drug called Ayahuasca. It turned out to be the most powerful experience of my lifetime. It healed a lot of shit I didn’t even know I was carrying. It was like a rebirth and like a second life began after this. I kept meditating for hours per day, and a few weeks later I had what they call an awakening experience. A part of me fell off. It was quite a shock, but I felt freer than ever. The volume of the voice in my head disappeared. It was quiet like space, compared to how noisy it had been before. It was only whispering now.
Every night I went to bed I got dragged deeper into this thing. Sometimes I was scared, but it really helped to read books about it and talking to people who had gone through the same thing. I knew I was growing. Even though I was scared, fears I used to have weren’t there anymore. They were replaced by deeper but more beautiful fears. I felt death was often around me. I realized that if I wanted to go to the next level, I had to stop being in my mind. I stopped watching conspiracy theories, I stopped taking in political news and negative messages. I went into my body. I started working out every other day, moving and breathing fresh air every day. I also put more awareness on my eating habits. I also stopped ejaculating, and found ways to put my sexual energy into my life instead. My energy skyrocketed.
My problem with social anxiety is gone a long time ago. The anxiety I have left is mostly related to seeking the approval of some individuals I admire. Once I realize that I don’t need anybody to get what I truly want the anxiety disappears.
Another type of social anxiety I get is when I’m not interested in being social, and I still have to act that I am, fearing that it’ll be awkward if they can tell I don’t want to talk.
Conclusion: Life goes on after you break out of the social prison too. But you definitely want to break out 🙂