How do you get good with people? When do people start liking you? It’s very simple: It’s when they feel good around you. The best way to make people like you is to genuinely feel good yourself. That’s the leverage point – how good YOU are feeling. Not how good you are at manipulating and strategizing social interactions.
Warning: I remember when hearing that the best way to make girls like me is to feel good I started to fake it. I pumped up my state and tried to make it appear as I was having fun, and I convinced a part of me, but deep inside me I knew I was frauding. So accepting your true state is 100 times better for you than faking your state.
I used to think self esteem and feeling good was something you were born with, due to higher dopamine production in your brain. Now I believe that our subjective reality is being filtered through our beliefs, traumas and past experiences. So when we let go of the bullshit by reflecting, meditating and getting real life experience, we’ll have a fresh look at the world. We go from fucked to unfucked. From foggy seeing to clear seeing. Incorrect perception to correct perception. The lense is clean, and the world looks as beautiful as it should be. And when you see the beauty in yourself and the world, people will see the beauty in you. I’m not trying to be a White Knight. This is what I’m experiencing and I know others have experienced this shift in perception as well.
So both our happiness and misery comes from within – from the way we perceive.
There’s no happiness in money. Money is either just metal or paper. There might seem like happiness comes from money because we BELIEVE and AGREE that it has value. But again, that means the value of money is only in our minds.
But enough bla-bla, let’s get practical. Here’s the model explained:
The miserable broken man’s choice
Belief: Fulfillment comes from her.
He sees a pretty girl and thinks: Wow, she’s definitely a 9/10. I’m a 6 so I really have to impress her with all I’ve got. I really hopes she likes me and that she doesn’t reject me because then it means I’m a loser.
His subconscious mind: If I get rejected it means I’m a loser. If she likes me it means I’m good enough.
She thinks about him: Here’s just another guy who’s too afraid to be himself. Here’s another guy I have to act nice with so that I don’t ruin his self-esteem. But if I act too nice he will get needy with me and won’t let me go. He thinks I’m out of his league. How could I potentially date a guy who can’t relax around me, and who I had to give approval to all the time. The thought exhausts me.
Result: He gets rejected. He gets even more miserable than he already was. The girl also had a worse experience than she could have had. Triple loss.
The chick magnet’s perspective
Realization: Fulfillment comes from within me.
You see a pretty lady and think, “Wow what a beautiful sexy piece of woman”.
You’re already joyful whether you get with her or not.
When pretty girl interacts with you she thinks: Ah, finally a guy who’s acting normal and who doesn’t need anything from me. I feel like I can relax. He’s enjoying himself and I feel good around him. Who is he?
Result: You’re already happy to begin with, so you’ve already won no matter what happens. The interaction with the girl goes smoothly. No guarantee that you will sleep with her, but when you’re the only guy acting normal around her, she will probably feel attraction for you. And you brightened up her life. Triple win.
Which perspective do you choose?
“But HOW do I realize that happiness comes from within?”
Remember: All you need is a willingness to discover inner joy. Even if you can’t see how happiness can come from within you, just being interested in realizing it will make you explore. Meditate, read articles and books about it. Listen to people talking about it. It’s true. Everything you’ve been looking for is inside you.
By the way… we’re not talking about a “pretty good level of joy”. There’s infinite joy out there, that you will unlock, little by little. It’s just cluttered by a thick layer of traumas and beliefs. Our journey of cleaning it up is perhaps infinitely long as well, which makes existence the ultimate journey.
Say “Yes, I want to realize that fulfillment comes from inside of me” and your journey of realizing it will start. The rewards are endless.
The day you start searching inside is the start of Life 2.0. Don’t expect it to be fast and easy. That’s why people go shopping, get drunk and high. They’re distracting themselves and will stay asleep, and suffer.
Looking for happiness outside of ourselves is fast and easy. Finding happiness inside of you is not fast and easy. But we have no choice, because that’s only place where it’s real. On the outside it’s fake – just fairy tales made up by the mind.
Does this mean you shouldn’t enjoy sexy girls, nice cars and great concerts? No. I’d say enjoy the hell out of that! The point of life is to experience the world out there too. But it’ll also drive us into suffering when we get too lost in it. The more depth you have, the more you’ll appreciate what you see on the outside. When you’re realizing joy within yourself, the women and cars look prettier than ever!